Okay! Short story time!!!
Her ivory silk crop top stood in delicate contrast to those rough denim. Adding bold details to her perfect silhouette were her red ebony hair
Her face, though a perfection, had a veil of a rough weather today. The amazing hazel colored eyes reflected sadness.
The love of her life had just left her. And her soul was shredded to pieces.
But no one could see that.
That’s the things about heartbreaks. To you, it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world, it’s just a cliché.
Give it TIME. You will heal. This was the most frequent advice she got.
He was in a hurry to reach the office. He was trying to take every shortcut any lane offered. On the side, his phone flashed, ‘Mum calling’. He ignored. 1 call. 3 calls. 5 calls….
Reached the office. Only to see his wife’s message on the phone, come back urgently!!
He lost his mother that day. He didn’t pick up her call. He grieved.
Give it TIME. You will heal. This was the most frequent advice he got.
Ok! So jumping straight to the point, what do we see here? The most often repeated thing…time will heal everything. But will it? Really?
One of the enduring myths that we have about mental health is that if we leave it long enough, time will eventually wear down our problems and heal our wounds. According to this myth, all things, no matter how difficult or traumatic, are healed by the mere passage of time.
Unfortunately, time might just not be this great healer we are talking about! Well, let’s take on a different perspective on time.
It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain.
Our mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. There are some hurts which never stop hurting no matter how faded the scars.
I think we just get accustomed to it to make it bearable.
The funny thing about time is, that the events, memories sometimes radiate the same intensity of pain, in some cases even after 100 years. Nothing about it changes.
But, surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt that much now because… you realize that what’s changed is YOU!
It takes a while for grief to turn into nostalgia/memories. Sometimes grief doesn’t change or lessen with time. And that’s okay!
The point here, I am trying to make, is that time does NOT heal all wounds. A more apt saying would be,
“IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE TIME THAT HEALS.”
Like any other aspect of life, mourning is an active, working process, not a passive one.
Sure. For some, it takes 1 week, or sometimes even one year is less. And yes, everyone heals at their own pace. Nothing wrong in that. But what you do with that time is what matters.
How you pull yourself out of it? Do you let people help you? Do you let yourself help you?
Because sometimes we get so caught in the spiral of sadness and pain, that it becomes comforting in a way. Because of its familiarity. It keeps us closer to what we have lost. We get just so damn good at lying in bed thinking about it that moving on becomes unfaithful to the time surrendered… It becomes scary.
So. Yeah. Maybe it’s a long tiring process, but unless you are making progress, be it one step a day… I don’t think you are going anywhere. Sure, Suffering is sometimes necessary. But I feel it’s necessary only until you realize it’s unnecessary. Take your time but make sure you are also working every bit on your time.
PS: These are just my thoughts. My perceptions. I would love to hear what you all think about this particular debate. A healthy discussion will only help us clear our ideas.
Sincere feedback from you all will make me write even better 🙂
Picture Courtesy- Google