Give it time…Oh, wait!! Please Don’t!!!

Okay! Short story time!!!

STORY 1
Her ivory silk crop top stood in delicate contrast to those rough denim. Adding bold details to her perfect silhouette were her red ebony hair
Her face, though a perfection, had a veil of a rough weather today. The amazing hazel colored eyes reflected sadness.
The love of her life had just left her. And her soul was shredded to pieces.
But no one could see that.
That’s the things about heartbreaks. To you, it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world, it’s just a cliché.
Give it TIME. You will heal. This was the most frequent advice she got.

STORY 2
He was in a hurry to reach the office. He was trying to take every shortcut any lane offered. On the side, his phone flashed, ‘Mum calling’. He ignored. 1 call. 3 calls. 5 calls….
Reached the office. Only to see his wife’s message on the phone, come back urgently!!
He lost his mother that day. He didn’t pick up her call. He grieved.
Give it TIME. You will heal. This was the most frequent advice he got.

Ok! So jumping straight to the point, what do we see here? The most often repeated thing…time will heal everything. But will it? Really?

images

One of the enduring myths that we have about mental health is that if we leave it long enough, time will eventually wear down our problems and heal our wounds. According to this myth, all things, no matter how difficult or traumatic, are healed by the mere passage of time.

Unfortunately, time might just not be this great healer we are talking about! Well, let’s take on a different perspective on time.

download
It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain.
Our mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. There are some hurts which never stop hurting no matter how faded the scars.

I think we just get accustomed to it to make it bearable.
The funny thing about time is, that the events, memories sometimes radiate the same intensity of pain, in some cases even after 100 years. Nothing about it changes.

But, surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt that much now because… you realize that what’s changed is YOU!
It takes a while for grief to turn into nostalgia/memories. Sometimes grief doesn’t change or lessen with time. And that’s okay!
The point here, I am trying to make, is that time does NOT heal all wounds. A more apt saying would be,

IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE TIME THAT HEALS.”

Like any other aspect of life, mourning is an active, working process, not a passive one.
Sure. For some, it takes 1 week, or sometimes even one year is less. And yes, everyone heals at their own pace. Nothing wrong in that. But what you do with that time is what matters.

How you pull yourself out of it? Do you let people help you? Do you let yourself help you?

Because sometimes we get so caught in the spiral of sadness and pain, that it becomes comforting in a way. Because of its familiarity. It keeps us closer to what we have lost. We get just so damn good at lying in bed thinking about it that moving on becomes unfaithful to the time surrendered… It becomes scary.

So. Yeah. Maybe it’s a long tiring process, but unless you are making progress, be it one step a day… I don’t think you are going anywhere. Sure, Suffering is sometimes necessary. But I feel it’s necessary only until you realize it’s unnecessary. Take your time but make sure you are also working every bit on your time.

images (1)

 

PS: These are just my thoughts. My perceptions. I would love to hear what you all think about this particular debate. A healthy discussion will only help us clear our ideas.

download (1)

Sincere feedback from you all will make me write even better 🙂

Picture Courtesy- Google

 

 

Advertisements

Interested in sabotaging your happiness?

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/09/your-daily-word-prompt-tournament-march-9-2019/

Happiness is subjective. Its perspectives are prejudiced. Its definition is different for different people. For some, it lies in an inanimate object or a circumstance and for some, it is tied to a person.

But, almost always, the reason for sabotaging our own happiness is very simple. The underlying principle is supremely basic.

You see, it all begins with what’s in our head and mind. Sounds too much cliché, right?

Well, let’s give it a try.

I think what screws our happiness most is the picture we have in our mind of how things are supposed to be.

maxresdefault

“Our mind is one hell of a production house. It has got everything — possibilities, speculations, plot twists, fears, and fantasies. It can create one of the most entertaining movies.”

Interestingly, the movie that we produce is vaguely related to reality. It is just a screenplay that we wrote as per our convenience. That movie is a mere projection of our emotions, of what we want things to be.

We play this movie, on the silver screens of our minds, countless times. Because everything is perfect here. There are no second takes or edits. You are the Hero.

But here’s the catch. Like it or not, things are not how you wish them to be in reality. Surprisingly, you are not the hero here. Here, you don’t win any of the life’s tournaments. And this is precisely what can put our so-called, ‘happy state’ into jeopardy.

If we get rid of that picture in our head, we might just save ourselves from crashing hard into reality. One of the easiest ways to sabotage our happiness, knowingly or unknowingly, is by creating your own version of things in your head, fantasizing about it and then becoming sad once reality hits you.

Also, it doesn’t mean that we can’t create a slightly better picture in reality. Sure, we can. But the point to emphasize here is that dwelling too much on our in-head pictures will rob us of our happiness. Instead, understanding the reality and then working our ass off to achieve what we want can create a more sustainable form of happiness. Which, I can safely say, will be much better than the movie we created in our minds.

images
Image Courtesy – Google

A Stranger

An unexpected text can sometimes start a whole new story.

All you can do is to talk a little bit more… share a little bit more

And at the end freak out

Because this is not you.

Talking your heart out to a stranger

This is just not you, definitely!

Actually the funny thing is..I have heard

You fall in love with a stranger easily.

One day..Sometimes…Out of nowhere…

You encounter someone

He’s not a life partner,but just a stranger

In front of whom you uncover the deep essence of your heart

The words in the dark alleys of your mind finally see the light of the day.

You are amazed

You are scared

Scared of being taken advantage of.

This weird melancholy of your mind baffles you.

This unknown world..unknown person

You are surprised on this new existence of yours.

One which,you knew,was always there,but never had the gumption to expose it freely…

Actually the funny thing is..I have heard…

You fall in love with a stranger easily.

Sometimes people just continue listening to you and stop understanding you.

You speak a lot but still go by unheard of.

That time you feel

You want someone…

Whom you don’t have to keep happy every time..

Whom you are not entitled to neither is he to you

Who isn’t upset on you

Every evening, just sits with you

Hears what you have to say and tells something about himself

He doesn’t incite a doubt or any expectation

Just incites an emotion of calmness after a storm, undeniably

Actually the funny thing is …I have heard You fall in love with a stranger easily.

You might ask me…

Why a stranger?? Why someone who doesn’t know your ugliest secret.

That stranger is just stupid!!! 😉

He might be broken by his past

But…So are you…

So..Relax mate

Because the last time I checked,broken crayons still coloured the same.

Because when you don’t have anyone….

Your mind wanders… looking for a stranger

Because a stranger doesn’t know how to find you by himself.

There are no rules for talking to a stranger

There is no need to reach the depths of each other’s mind and unravel every dark secret

And maybe that’s why you can say anything to a stranger without thinking, unabashedly.

Actually the funny thing is… I have heard..

You fall in love with a stranger easily.

And now if i tell you

That this weather of strange yet beautiful words and feelings won’t last

That you might not meet this stranger ….

Or even get to see him in person

Then you might want to stay with him for a little more time

You might want to say what you never told anyone…

Because you know.

You know you got him for a coincidence.

This was not a planned date.

Even if this person goes away,your heart won’t ache,

Because anyway

Neither of you has promised to stay.

All of this seems strange and funny, eerily

Actually the thing is…I have heard..

You fall in love with a stranger easily.

So I would say

This is chance,not many get

Smile at that stranger of yours

Bring out whole heart of yours

You never know…

Maybe he also needed a stranger somewhere.

You might not say…let’s be together…even though you both want it.

Instead you might just say…let’s only talk and then forget about it.

Because confrontations are hard and lying dormant in each other’s phone is just too damn easy!

Remember, you slept with empty dreams but this stranger found meaning in them

The stories which were old ..found new feelings which were lovely

And this might be the reason why

They say

You fall in love with strangers easily.

A Twisty Mother’s day

Via Daily Prompt: Pedigree

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pedigree/”>Pedigree</a&gt;

So, it’s been two days since mother’s day was celebrated. And in these two days-

My news feed on Facebook is filled with posts about people uploading pics with their mother’s. Long captions. Big words. Smiling faces.
But how how true are those captions? How deep are those words? How real are those smiles???
I am sure and truly hope most of you have mothers which stand true to all those wonderful words.
But I am pretty sure there is also a section of kids/ adults who don’t have all this. They don’t feel undying love towards their mother. They respect her but that’s out of the parent they are… the mental conditioning done by the society… and not personal feelings. This doesn’t mean they don’t love her. It just means sometimes things between them got screwed up pretty badly.
Let’s take a different view point on mother’s day.

 
There are those of you who adore their mothers, who have undying love for her, who answer the question, “Do u love your mother?”  With- of course! I do. As if there can be no other alternative

This is not for you. You have enough. You don’t need this write up. This is for everyone else.

No automatic alt text available(23)

This is for the ones who have been controlled, compared without limits for absolutely anything, ignored and humiliated. This is for the ones who never felt wanted. And for some reason always failed to believe the universal truth of mothers love.

Not every kid…

Not every kid has a picture with their mother
smiling into the camera to upload on Mother’s Day.
Because some mothers are too busy appreciating other kids.
Because some mothers are trying to shape up their children according to some ideal fit set by the society or according to what they themselves couldn’t be.
Because they are busy making a cage for their children which the child doesn’t even want to be in. Because they are busy in matching their child to some godly pedigree.

Some kids can’t really speak to their mothers but are bound by the rules of the society to play the part of a really good child but are in fact just hiding. Hiding their true raw self from everyone.

This is for the ones who when they speak up and try to express what they feel, are constantly reminded of the social pragmatism.

Try telling someone you don’t love your mother. Or that you are not too fond of her…countless arguments will be made about how you should just try to understand her.

I am not here to blame mothers or to go against them. I am sure whatever mother’s think for their children is in good faith and for their betterment. But some need to understand that their child’s betterment is in doing what they are comfortable in and not forcefully trying them to make into that proverbial good kid whom everyone loves.

The humiliation, ignorance, feeling of unwontedness comes at a heavy cost. A cost beard by the little kid.

The kid plunges slowly into a deep dark pit of emptiness which seems never ending.

They slowly start disliking you.
It burns their heart to see someone else’s child’s achievement bring smile to your face.
Their bodies pretend to be living, although their soul is dying out from inside.
They don’t care about anything anymore.
They just work as a machine and slowly make themselves get used to this society and your ideals.
You don’t notice this and it breaks their heart to see your indifference.
They bottle up their emotions.
They learn to speak only what you want to hear.
Their insides get crushed every day.
They stop emoting.
They stop communicating.
Those who are good at this, survive. Those who can’t think it’s better to put a full stop on their lives forever.

So for the ones suffering.

It’s not your fault.

Forgive your mother’s if you can…if you like…but look towards your own life…there are so many things to do. Don’t carry this pain forever.  There are a lot of things waiting to be accomplished by you on this big blue planet.

And for the mothers.

Wake up! Before your child decides not to wake up ever again.

That evening!!

via Daily Prompt: Sleeve

I fell down, it was no longer bright

Landed in a black hole, which was devoid of light

Out of the corner

I see you standing there

With sparkling eyes

I hope they are authentic, no disguise

My heart thuds as you approach me

I feel like you have come to help me

The people that came before

Were not as good as you

I hope this time my destiny had something new

But that eve

You had some tricks up your sleeve

You slowly lean in

I can see your teasing smile

I pray

Spare me the misery of another fake

O Divine!

Slowly I realize

It’s not what it seems

This time someone had definitely come to help me

You pick me up from my mess

But all I could see

Was darkness

As I look behind

There is no one standing

That sparkling eyes I saw

Strangely seem to look like mine

All my life

I was in this struggle

To find someone

Someone who would be with me

Who would understand the essence of my words

The effect of my words

Someone who was just like me!

But the struggle of that eve was something special

That fall in the black hole

Had given rise to something bright

As I met myself that night

I realized I had been searching for myself my whole life

So the struggle stops

And with it the stops the need

To find someone

Because

The best find is myself

The best find is me

Authentic

via Daily Prompt: Authentic

A Poem in response to the prompt- authentic :

 

You were meant to be wild

But you settled for mild

You were meant to be wicked and free

But you settled for being a chicken in a tree

You were meant to carve your own destiny

But you settled for everyone’s mediocrity

 

So

When you feel

A dull ache in your soul

A humming around your heart

A longing for something without a name

 

I would say, obey that call

Because it is a call

Of your authentic self

Of the part of you

That lives just beneath your skin

So finally

Let it have its way with you

 

Because

You were meant to be wild

You were meant to be free

And meant to carve your own destiny

 

What if!

via Daily Prompt: Genie

A poem interpreting the Prompt- Genie. In response to the Daily Prompt.

 

 

You had time today

You have time tomorrow

But you don’t speak up

You keep your emotions bottled up

 

He said he liked you

Too afraid to say yes

Too afraid to get hurt

You said something worse- Nothing

 

You did not speak up

You kept your emotions bottled up

 

You always held a grudge

Against the way he treated you

First you lost your self esteem

Then you lost your voice

Only had you spoken up

Would there have been a step up

 

You had time today

You have time tomorrow

But you don’t speak up

You keep your emotions bottled up

 

There will come a day

When you will be laying in a corner

Your mind punctuated with what ifs

What if, you had spoken up?

What if, you had unscrewed the bottle?

And let the emotions flow…

What if…

What if…

 

So buck up!

There is still time

 

No more wishing for the past

Speak up for your future

Unleash the genie inside you

Only YOU can save you!!

 

now

Anything, but an ordinary day

 

17 APRIL, 2018

It was an ordinary day. It was the same old routine of getting up, getting ready to face another day to day small battles of life. Funny how every day we feel it’s just the same day…just like yesterday. But oddly enough each day stands out to be different in some minute, but significant way.

Being the season of scorching heat at this time of the year, it came as a pleasant surprise when I could see the hot sun slowly hide. Puffy clouds soft as pillow covers had started covering the sky. It gave me the utmost joy to watch this standing at full height windows facing the street. This joy was shared all of us standing there. This was a welcome relief for all of us. A much needed break.

Being a pluviophile, I got immediately lost in the rain. I was present there physically, but my mind was travelling thousands of miles back and forth.

Slowly bolts of lightning broke the air and I could see the mist which clung to it.The heady fragrance of the raindrops soon filled my nostrils and the pitter patter started punctuating my thoughts.

What is it about the rain that makes us feel so intense, I often wonder. Something natural, I am sure 🙂

rain 1

 

I was reliving the wonderful memories…the lost days. I remembered the wonderful walk in the rain with my loved one. The talks…the laughter. It’s interesting how people can go away from your life but, memories, they stay forever. Etched in your heart. Memories are, by far, the most beautiful asset of our mind. Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist for us. In my mind I then slowly travelled to my first splash in the rain as a child and the cold that i got after it. There was a scolding by my mother also but the splash was totally worth it 😉

The pitter patter of rain created a shield around me. I got the first splatter of rain on me when the droplets started soaking my eyelashes.  They sky looked post card perfect. But the beautiful cocktail blue color was slowly turning into a darker shade of grey.

rain 2

I used to find the rain, the feeling of getting wet all very over rated. The cliché of getting drowned in your thoughts in a rainy atmosphere always baffled me. But slowly I understood, it may be a cliché, but clichés exist for a reason. So as they say, “Some people feel the rain, while others just get wet”

This untimely rain ended just as quick, and left its indelible mark across the ground. The sky didn’t clear for the rest of the day, a reminder hanging over our heads.

It’s drizzling right now, as I write this. I listen to the thunder crackle rip across the sky. No clear delineation between the ground & air. It’s all wet anyways.

As I said, a day which started so mundane ended in a picture perfect way. Making you feel slightly different that yesterday, giving you slightly different experiences, and creating whole new memories. A day that had been so ordinary in the morning had completely changed its face by night.

CRANKY AISHA

via Daily Prompt: Crank
Crank


Aisha sat quietly on the porch without any movement.

Desperately trying to contemplate her confusions and thoughts.

He was more of a best friend to her than a husband. But now that friend had turned into a monster whom she never knew. A monster who hurt her in every single way and made her feel like dirt.

Her everyday life of getting tortured by her husband had made her annoying and unpleasant. She was nicknamed ‘crank’ by almost everyone she met.

She had tried telling her father, every time she met, about the situation, hoping for help. All she got in return from her businessman father was “You should learn to respect and obey your husband. We can give you more money if you need anything”

Slowly and steadily she stopped asking for help. Because she knew that money or fake consolations could not help her. She was fighting a battle of pain and heartache. Death and suicide. Her father hurt her in a mental way. He would smile at her, but she could notice the fakeness in it. Only if her father would sit and just listen to her and not just call her Cranky Aisha. Talk to her. Hold her.

Eventually she started falling in an endless pit of depression. Aisha wasn’t cranky but was depressed. She had learnt to put on a mask of happiness because showing her true broken self hadn’t got her really any help. Her mask was so perfect that no one had cared to look past her mask. She tried to act joyfully but she had her moments of darkness as well, only thing that they were well hidden now. On the inside she felt like she was gasping for air, screaming for help with no noise coming out of her mouth.

IMAGE 1

Now this story above was a work of fiction 😉

BUT

Depression– this 10 letter word is not. It’s real. As real as the diseases like AIDS, Paralysis etc. It’s more common than you think. There are hundreds of Aisha’s around us. The only thing is we fail to help them.

Very often we underestimate the power of a simple touch, a small talk, a listening ear or the smallest act of caring. Just because someone seems to be happy outwards doesn’t mean he/she is really in her best spirits. Maybe they have been forced to put on a mask just like Aisha because being real with people didn’t get them any help, because no one was ready to just sit and help them out. Depression is flat, hollow and tiresome.

Depression isn’t always at 3 am, sometimes it hits you at 3 pm when you are with your friends, halfway through a laugh and you just stop. Sometimes it’s screaming and crying and smashing plates, sometimes it’s numbness and quiet and sometimes it’s getting up anyways and staying alive, even if you don’t want.”

A lot of us constantly say, we care but had we cared enough people like Aisha wouldn’t feel the need to put on a mask.

There is no point in treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying once in a while to them, “There now, hang on, you’ll get over it”. Sadness is more or less like a head cold, with patience it passes. Depression is like cancer. It grows rapidly and weakens your spirit.

Apprehension of going to a therapist, of seeking professional help is only going to pull us backward. Depression is a reality. It is treatable. Only if we pay our undivided attention to it and feel no shame in seeking professional help, will we be able to come out of it.

Mental health is just as important as your physical health. Your big biceps are of no use if you are in a Crank” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>cranky state of mind. Awareness about mental health and removing the taboo of going to a therapist are some prime concerns of today. The earlier we solve these issues, the lesser people we will lose.

KATHA OF KATHUA- A tale of Indifference

 

 

indiff

It was a listless afternoon. Amidst casual conversation with my friends…Someone said, “Hey! What happened with Asifa was horrific”. I was about to respond to this, when one of my friends said, who is Asifa? What happened? Is it serious?

I was appalled at this question…to this attitude to be precise. It’s been more than a week this incident is gathering heat in almost every space, be it in newspapers, or social media platforms or the television space. So it is not as if this incident was little known. The irony in this situation was the friend who said it was a female and an educated one!! This casual indifference to something so intense is what makes me wonder about our whole attitude to this situation. Later on I, with utmost patience on my part, went on explaining about the whole issue. The response to which was, oh! So bad. But this is regular Na in our country. What to do now? Ab hum isme Kya kar sakte!

My point being, here is a father who lost his child in the worst way possible, had to fled the area because of constant threats because he had just filed a police report wanting to find his little girl, and has to probably find a new source of income to feed his remaining family. The lawyer who is trying to fight for that little girl in court, which supposedly should be a good thing, is also receiving threats. The real reason behind these threats still baffles me, but it reeks strongly of political pressure and our old Indian way of suppressing the accused instead of helping the victim.

So yeah! A lot is happening. I know, being miles away from where this is actually happening, we cannot contribute directly to this, but we can at least help by creating more awareness about this issue, by speaking out on this on various platforms, by making our voice heard. Maybe…just maybe…our little efforts might contribute to some significant change in the situation.

I get it when some people say they don’t like sports so they don’t read sports news, they don’t know about certain scientific or any news for that matter which they don’t have much interest in or knowledge about it. But this incident is way above your choices, it’s not limited to your likes and dislikes. This heinous crime has been committed in our country by humans who behaved like monsters that night. And in my personal opinion this SHOULD have little effect on you at least.

Many crimes like these are hushed and go unreported. Those people don’t even get a chance to demand justice which is ideally their right. In such cases our lives go about hunky dory in every which way and at the same time these people are silenced for life. They lose their inner peace and happiness. So when something has come to light, when someone has got a small but a chance to fight, what is the harm in us, as common people in contributing to it in whatever way possible. The result is surely not in our hands but the efforts are.

Such crimes are happening more and more now a days but it should be stopped before our country becomes known for these things!